THE MONUMENTS MEN. The Greatest Art Heist in History.

Monuments Men  (2013) Directed, Written, and Starring George Clooney

 

“Then what are we fighting for?” – Winston Churchill, when asked to cut arts funding to pay for the war effort.

 

This is a true-ish story. FDR appointed a special unit to move into the war zones to try and recover the priceless art of Europe that have been stolen by the Nazis. This is the story of those brave men.

 

These were not soldiers, they were art historians, museum curators, architects, and instructors. Not one of them could have enlisted in the Army under their own merits. They were old, in bad shape, with bad hearts, bad eyes, and bad backs. But they understood something… War doesn’t just kill people, war can kill cultures. People die in wars, but others live and repopulate in the world continues to turn. But if you kill the art of the people, if you burn their books, if you erase their histories, then it is like they never lived. We knew we would defeat the Nazis; we had to. But what would the cost to future generations be? From the time he came to power Hitler systematically seized the art collections of German Jews. As he invaded Europe a steady stream of the treasures of 2000 years flowed into Germany. And if we allowed this to go unanswered who would we be as a people in the wake of the war?

 

And thus it was that art historian Frank Stokes (George Clooney), Curator James Granger (Matt Damon), architect Richard Campbell (Bill Murray), Prof. Walter Garfield (John Goodman), French curator Jean Claude Clarmont (Jean Dujardin), art expert Douglas Jeffries (Hugh Bonneville) art critic Preston Savitz (Bob Balaban), and joined by Private Sam Epstein (Dimitri Leondias) a German born Jew with the ability to speak German and generally be useful. They were a token effort; they were meant to fail. They were they are so that the brass could say we tried.

 

They succeeded beyond anyone’s expectations in their story is one of amazing bravery, witty daring, low cunning and determination.  It is a fascinating story, and makes a remarkably entertaining movie.  This makes the critical snub to this excellent film all the more puzzling.

 

However I invite you to sit back and take historical long view; this movie is entertaining. This story is important. In 25 years from now schoolchildren will know who The Monuments Men were. That makes the creation of the film worthwhile no matter what the critics say. And it all leads back to the final scene in the movie where Frank Stokes is asked if the Madonna of Bruges is worth the life of a man; if that man would say his life had been well spent. The answer of course is yes. How can it be otherwise? Do yourself a favor; see this movie see it in the theater where all the lovely art leaps from the screen to fill your senses. It is totally worth it.

I, Frankenstein (2013)  Directed by Stuart Beattie

 

When Victor von Frankenstein (Aden Young) created his monster, he was only thinking about the could, not the should.  The consequences of creating a superhumanly powerful man lacking a soul would cost Victor von Frankenstein his career, his wife, his sanity, and eventually his life.

 

But the story doesn’t end there, it’s only beginning.  No sooner does the monster (Aaron Eckhart) plant his creator back in his native soil than he is embroiled in a war as old as time between two forces; demons and gargoyles.  Demons are bad and they want Frankenstein’s monster for their own purposes.  Gargoyles are good and can turn into hot guys wearing capes, and they want to keep the demons from getting anything they want.  The Queen of the gargoyles, Leonore (Miranda Otto) decides to spare Frankenstein’s creation’s life and the monster, now named Adam, spends 200 years trying to avoid people and slaying demons.

 

The demons want Adam for some unfathomable reason, and at last Adam begins to hunt them before they can successfully hunt him.  What he discovers about their motivations will embroil him in the eons old war and help him redefine his own existence.

 

If you are thinking, “Gee this sounds like Frankenstein meets Underworld” you would not be far wrong. The writer, Kevin Grevioux also helped write Underworld.  He also appears in both; look for the Lycan or Demon with the deepest voice, and you found him.  Incidentally, he also has two Masters in microbiology and genetic engineering. 

 

While he may have two Masters, apparently he only has one idea; the classic good versus evil, monster versus monster epic saga.  This movie is so derivative of Underworld… It even stars Bill Nighy as the chief villain.  And while he makes an excellent elemental force of evil, I would think they would want some variety.

 

I really wanted to like this movie, it has many elements that could make it quite entertaining.  There is much potential for the Creation to find his humanity. That is always an entertaining exercise.  We all love the monster becomes hero.  And they spared nothing on the special effects; visually the movie is awesome.  (Although I would have liked to see Adam just once not look ground in grimy.)  But it just comes off as a cheap attempt to recapture the magic of Underworld.  And that turns it from “it has untapped potential” to “that was rather pathetic.”

 

Save your money folks, and catch it on Netflix; you won’t have long to wait.

THE LEGEND OF HERCULES: A Clear Myth.

The Legend of Hercules (2014) Directed by Renny Harlin

 

I have two main problems with this production; one, the writers have no knowledge in little caring for Greek mythology. They gone the names right, and that’s about it. King Amphitryon (Scott Adkins) was his mortal father, Queen Alchmene (Roxanne McKee) was his mother, his brother was Iphicles, (Liam Garrigan) the son of Amphitryon, and Hercules married Hebe (Gaia Weiss).  Hebe was actually Hercules’ third wife, and his half-sister, the daughter of Zeus and Hera.  Here’s she has been demoted to a mere Princess of Troy. The twelve labors are gone; the only one intact is the slaying of the Nemian Lion.  Here Hercules serves time in the gladiatorial arena.  Worst of all, Hera, Hercules’ nemesis, is his patron.

 

Basically, someone watched Gladiator and said, “You know what this movie needs? Some mythology and someone in better shape than Russell Crowe!”

 

Which brings me to my second complaint; the story line is weak, and poorly done.

 

Now there are some nice elements to the movie. I like to see Kellen Lutz in a starring role. He has the right look for a sword and sandal hero, and his acting is coming along nicely.  He certainly better than most bodybuilders turned actor were in their first few roles.  And his acting wouldn’t even be noticeable if they hadn’t included Liam McIntyre (as Sotiris) ; McIntyre’s personality blazes off the screen, leaving those around him somewhat pale in comparison.

 

I like that this epic does not have stupidly inappropriate clothing. It looks like the proper time period.  The popularity of “300” proved you really can’t go wrong objectifying male semi-nudity. This film makes excellent use of the casts better asset (and pecks, and abdominals.)

 

However, even Kellen Lutz does not have a pretty enough body to make up for poor storytelling. It’s a little too over the top, too soap opera, and too re-worked.  No one fulfills their proper roles; Iphicles was not a jerk in the myths, and Hercules was never a King. His role was as slayer of monsters not Liberator from oppression. The writers were thinking of Spartacus, so much so they hired him (Liam McIntyre is Spartacus in the most excellent series).

 

I hope Kellen Lutz and Liam McIntyre will parlay this film into bigger roles; I doubt it will happen. This film is a snooze fest, which is a true pity.  I blame it on the director; he is so hit and miss. He can make both “Deep Blue Sea” and “Cliffhanger”.  Sadly this is more of the latter.

 

Bridegroom (2013) Directed by Linda Bloodworth-Thomason

 

This story is unusual because it is absolutely true. It is not based upon a true story, it is the story told to you by the people to whom it happened…with a few exceptions.

 

Shane Bitney Crone did not have an easy life growing up. Though he had a loving family Shane is gay, and an unfortunate confession to a crash unable to reciprocate his love made Shane Bitney Crone’s high school years a living hell.

 

Tom Bridegroom grew up in Indiana; he was very popular, very talented, and very eager to get out of there.  Tom had a secret.  He too was gay.  However, he never told his family and escaped to attend Vassar and to build a life true to his identity that did not include his family of origin.

 

Fate led Shane and Tom to California where they met, and fell deeply in love. From here it is something of a fairytale.  They were young, with jobs they loved, with friends who accepted them, and they were very much in love.  They were frugal, indulging not in the “gay scene” but in their real passion, travel.  Their first trip was to Egypt to see the Great Pyramids.  Their plan was to see the Seven Wonders of the World. 

 

Their relationship survived coming-out to Shane’s family. It’s made them stronger.  It even survived coming-out to the Bridegrooms; Tom’s parents were not accepting, were not loving, were ashamed of their son, and his lover.  But even then, it looked like things were getting better.  Tom’s mother would come out to California to see her son and her “son-in-law” and seemed to be slowly coming around.

 

Then, on May 7, 2011 Tom was doing a photo shoot with a family friend on the roof of their apartment complex. Tom backed up to the edge, slipped, and plummeted four stories. The hospital would not allow Shane to see him while they fought for his life because Shane was not family.

 

Tom Bridegroom died.  And despite their nine years together, their shared life, their shared home, their shared business, Shane had no legal rights to determine anything.  Martha Bridegroom decided her son would be buried in Indiana.

 

On the way to the airport, a relative of Tom’s called Shane and told him he would not be welcomed at the funeral and that in point of fact Tom’s father, brother and other male relatives planned to assault him if they saw him.

 

Shane Bitney Crone has no legal rights because at that time California did not have gay marriage.  Despite the beautiful life these two men built together it accounted for less than nothing and Shane at the lowest moment in his life was erased from the history of Thomas Lee Bridegroom. 

 

On the one year anniversary of Tom’s death Shane posted a film called “It Could Happen to You.”  In it he poured out the pain and suffering that being cut from his partners life caused him.  He detailed the brutal fragility of his position in the eyes of the law and the complete despair that the lack of any recognition caused him.  The video had over three and half million viewers on YouTube.

 

That was the inspiration for this full length documentary.  The Bridegrooms were invited to participate.  They declined.

 

What follows is a heart rending only genuine outpouring of human emotion both celebrating and memorializing the real passionate love these two men shared, and the cold callus death their relationship was subjected to by Tom’s parents.

 

If you have ever wondered what the big deal about “Gay Marriage” is, watch this video and you will understand.  If you love someone who is gay, and their sexuality makes you uncomfortable, if their “lifestyle choice” has come between you, watch this movie.  If you just want to understand more about the challenges of being gay in America watch this movie.  And most importantly watch it with someone you love.

The Great Courses: Classical Mythology

 

Classical culture is the single greatest influence on our modern day society.  From Apollo to Zeus we are beholden to the myths and legends that shaped a culture that shaped our view on politics, law, nature, medicine, literature, history, and our place in the universe.  Our country is based on ideas of democracy that found their origins in the Agoura of Athens.  Our political system is a representative democracy very much like that known by the Romans.  Without the clear insight and profound truths discovered by the ancient authors are world would be unrecognizable and probably a much poorer place. It therefore behooves us to understand the stories that shaped the world of these men.

 

The great courses are a series of college courses offered on DVD, audio, and streaming.  They are taught by the leading academics in their fields.  Now you can learn from the same men and women who teach in the finest universities in our nation.  Each lesson is 30 minutes long.  Each course ranges according to the amount of material necessary to cover it.

 

This particular course, Classical Mythology by Prof. Elizabeth Vandiver is 24 lectures long; meaning about 12 hours of material. My own personal version is audio streaming which I enjoy upon my smart phone. Therefore, I cannot comment on the quality of the visual content of the course.  That said I found it a thoroughly pleasurable experience start to finish. Prof. Vandiver has a clear grasp of the issues that arise in looking back on historical aspects through the filter of our greater understanding.  But Prof. Vandiver always puts the historical perspective in perspective and helps us to see the myths as they were seen by the people sharing them.

 

One would not think that something as fantastical as the Minotaur would have a basis in historical fact; yet Prof. Vandiver shows us how the great Minoan civilization with its mazelike palace at Knossos, and murals of use vaulting over bull’s and the Minoan fascination with bulls led to the story of Theseus defeating the monster in the labyrinth.  Likely a discussion of the changing power between the declining Minoan culture and the rising Athenian culture, Theseus represents the new order, the Minotaur, the old. Taken in this light his story is one of the nations, not individuals.

 

Consider then the enormous impact of Shakespeare upon all English literature. Consider also that Shakespeare’s main influence appears to of been the Roman poet Ovid, particularly his work Metamorphoses. The main difficulty in understanding Shakespeare is not in the richness of his language but in the paucity of our understanding of the classical references that are liberally season his works.  An understanding of the allegory and metaphor of classical mythology greatly enhances the understanding and appreciation of Shakespeare’s genius.

 

I read this for winter break between semesters. My friends could not understand why I would choose another course as recreation in graduate school.  Yet I find the break from psychology refreshing but the subject matter enriching to my understanding of man, his inner workings, and his relationship to both society and eternity. My field of endeavor, psychology, owes its very name to the lover of Eros, Psyche. So how can we have a true understanding of the world we live in if we do not understand the soil it grew from?  This course gives an excellent overview of classical mythology the issues addressed in the field of study, and whets the appetite for a deeper understanding.  What more could you ask for?

The Croods (2013) Written and Directed by Kirk Di Marco and Chris Sanders

 

I was in love once. He was a hunter, I was a gatherer. It was quite the scandal. We fed each other berries, we danced. Then father bashed him on the head and traded me to your grandfather.—Gran

 

Are you White, Asian (and I think this includes Native Americans and Latinos), or African American? Then you are probably 2.5% Neanderthal.  Do you hail from New Guinea, the Pacific Islands, or are an Australian Aborigine?  Then you may have up to 5% Denisovan (another branch of the human family tree) genes.  The point is, we emerged out of Africa, then got to know some Neanderthals really well, and our bloodline carried on from there.

 

This movie reflects that basic scientific fact.  And it does it in a most human way.

 

Meet the Croods: Grug and Ugga, their son, Thunk, their daughters Eep and Sandy, and of course, Gran.  They are all that are left of a small community of Neanderthals.  They have survived largely because of the efforts of Grug, whose personal motto is “Never *not* be afraid.”  And to Grug’s credit, it has kept his family alive through very harsh times that saw their friends, the Gorts, the Horks, the Erfs, and the Throgs who died by mammoth stompage, sand snake swallowing, mosquitos and the common cold, respectively.

 

Of course, being a teenage girl, living in a cave with no one but family to interact with can be difficult, and Eep, in the manner of teenage girls everywhere, shares that difficulty back. Any father with a daughter older than 13 knows exactly what I am talking about.

 

Then two events happen that change everything.  First, Eep meets a stranger, Guy, a Cro-Magnon, and the world ends. 

 

Oh, the world ends in nice stages; natural disasters timed to move the story along at the right speed.  The cave is destroyed, they have to move towards higher ground.  And if communications break down too far…well, a disaster stops the bickering and gets them moving again.

 

Guy is full of ideas.  He wears boots, giving him the clear advantage in covering thorny ground.  He has a belt, a sloth who is part side kick, part comic relief, and also keeps his pants up.  Guy has fire.  That’s a big one.  Grug just has Neanderthal strength (which is considerable, and consistent with what we know about prehistoric hominids) a collection of stories, and a bone deep distrust of anything new.  He also has the boundless love for his family that half hampers him, and makes him rise above his own limitations.  There is a theme, as old as time, of the competition between father and suitor for the affections of the daughter;

Grug: Don't. It could be dangerous.

Eep: Dad, you always say that.

Guy: Careful.

Eep: Oh, okay.

[Grug sighs in exasperation]

Yep, somethings are just written in the genes.  Literally.

 

And ultimately, that is what the Croods are about; the old and the new coming together to create something different, yet fundamentally the same.  Whatever the case when our ancestors met the Neanderthals, the children of those unions were raised in families.  That is one of our races great secrets of survival…we are families.  Each has a role, each contributes to the whole.  And which families survive? The ones who adapt.  It’s a good message.  It’s a good movie. Share it with your family.

The Cast:

  Nicolas Cage  ...  Grug (voice) 

  Emma Stone  ...  Eep (voice) 

  Ryan Reynolds  ...  Guy (voice) 

  Catherine Keener  ...  Ugga (voice) 

  Cloris Leachman  ...  Gran (voice) 

  Clark Duke  ...  Thunk (voice) 

  Chris Sanders  ...  Belt (voice) 

Randy Thom  ...  Sandy (voice) 

“Release the baby!”—it’s not a good thing.

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug Directed by Peter Jackson.  Based on the book by J.R.R. Tolkein

 

Kili: Aren't you going to search me? I could have anything down my trousers.

Tauriel: Or nothing.

 

Here’s the feeling this movie gave me; once upon a time, a very long time ago, I went to the hospital with my grandmother when one of her friends was ill.  I had to sit in the waiting room for hours, and the only thing I found to read was one of those Reader’s Digest Condensed books.  I read one story in it, and had started another when Granny reappeared, and I was saved.  About a year later, the book was made into a movie, and the story was much fuller and richer than the condensed book had been.  This experience felt like that.

 

The story takes us from when the Giant Eagles dropped our intrepid heroes off, through the Myrk Wood, and the spiders within, past the elves (did you know Legolas was the son of the King of the Wood Elves?) and on down to the Lake Town, and into the Lonely Mountain.  There, they will encounter Smaug, the greatest of calamities.

 

There is much in the movie that wasn’t in the book…for instance, Radagast the Brown was no more than a mention in the books.  Here, he is a demented little wizard who gets around in a bunny powered sleigh, and has birds nest hair, literally, and a guano conditioner.  He adds colour and humor, but…he wasn’t in the book.  Not like this.  The same with Azog, chief among the hunters of the dwarves.  He is a mention in the book…a main player in the movie. The list goes on; Tauriel, Legolas, their non-romance, Tauriel, Kili, their attraction.  Never written, never to be forgotten.

 

So…what does that say for the movie?  Well, it says it is far more about Peter Jackson than it is about J.R.R. Tolkien. It is also a brilliant movie; stunningly well made, and will no doubt collect a share of Oscars for its troubles.  It has single handedly made dwarves sexy, (though honestly Richard Armitage, Aidan Turner, and Dean O'Gorman deserve most of that credit).  It is well worth seeing, even to a bibliopurist like me. 

 

Why was the one prequel cut into three movies while the epic three books made do with one movie a piece?  I have two answers Pride and Greed.

 

Three movies make more money than One, and this is Jackson’s last chance to capitalize upon the Middle Earth Franchise.  That covers greed.  The other thing is Pride.  This is Jackson’s chance to really add something to the mythos.  And he has.  For good or ill, Radagast, and Azog are now major players, not marginalia.  And he has created something that will stand the test of time, becoming a part of our culture the exact same way The Wizard of Oz did, 74 years ago.  It is still relevant today, it is still watched today, it still draws a market share today.  Jackson can take great pride in what he has done; as a movie, it is remarkable.  As a vision, it is fully realized.  As the Hobbit…well, I think I will still need a decade to work out how I feel about that one.

 

But Jackson is a visionary; he wanted all his life to create a truly worthy King Kong…and he did.  Now, he has turned that same love and pride on The Hobbit, and for good or ill, our culture will change.